i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
