She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
