Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
