either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
