i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
