we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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