the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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