whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
