my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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