She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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