1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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