there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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