remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I sprained my soul last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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