If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
