I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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