new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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