glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
