Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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