Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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