When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
