You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How external is "for external use only"?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
