All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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