Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
