Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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