Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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