You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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