Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
