I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
