i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
