I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
