just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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