I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
