at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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