I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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