She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Semen is not good for contacts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
