This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
