Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
