She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
