he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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