I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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