After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
