Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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