Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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