Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
