is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
