just tell him i said nine months
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
