i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
