Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
