Ambien. No doubt about it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
