I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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