It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
