i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
