apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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