He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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