oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
